“Le convenienze ed inconvenienze teatrali”
by Gaetano Donizetti libretto (English)
| Characters |
| Corilla Scortichini (prima donna) — soprano Procolo Cornacchia (Corilla’s husband) — baritone Luigia Scannagalli (second lady) — soprano Agata (Luigia’s mother) — bass Dorotea Frescopane (principal musico) — contralto Guglielmo Antolstoinoloff (German tenor) — tenor Biscroma Strappaviscere (composer) — baritone Prospero Salsapariglia (poet and grocer) — bass The Impresario — baritone The Theatre Inspector — bass Chorus of male theatre staff The action takes place in the theatre of Brozzi. |
| Act I |
| Scene 1 Setting: a rehearsal room in a theatre. Present are Corilla, Procolo, Luigia, Dorotea, Don Prospero, Guglielmo, the Impresario, Biscroma, and various choristers, all seated around a piano, preparing to rehearse the opera. [Introduction] BISCROMA Chorus, enter on time and in tempo; be ready to bow; mind the runs with the little trills in Elafà. Now then—let’s begin! Attention! ALL What are we rehearsing? BISCROMA Ersilia’s entrance, where she, lost and bewildered, poor thing, arouses pity. |
| CORILLA Listen to my voice— how beautifully it will trill! PROCOLO Listen to her voice— how beautifully it will trill! DOROTEA (To make me play a mere supporting role!... this is really too much.) LUIGIA (Only a single recitative for me? What will my mother say?) BISCROMA Come, let us rehearse—silence there! Everyone mind what you are doing. ALL Come, let’s rehearse—silence! No one is to move. |
| CORILLA “And can you rejoice, tyrant, in a heart that suffers and laments? Tremble—for such anguish heaven will indeed bring vengeance.” GUGLIELMO “Restrain your tears and hope.” CORILLA “And my beloved?” GUGLIELMO “You shall see.” CORILLA “You will no longer be cruel?” GUGLIELMO “At last, pity has conquered me.” |
| CORILLA “Ah! the happy moment is near when I return to delight in him. This is the day of joy— my heart need tremble no more. Fly to me, O blessed moment, and renew within my breast that pleasure and that delight that intoxicate the soul.” PROCOLO Bravo! CORILLA “Fly to her, O blessed moment, and renew within her breast that pleasure and that delight that intoxicate the soul.” |
| DOROTEA Tell me, Maestro— will there be a rondò for me? GUGLIELMO And for me—an aria with trumpets? LUIGIA Is there a “romance” for me, yes or no? BISCROMA Address yourselves to the poet. GUGLIELMO, LUIGIA AND DOROTEA Is there one? PROSPERO Ask the maestro—I don’t know. |
| BISCROMA But the libretto?… PROSPERO And the score?… BISCROMA Now I’ll explain… PROSPERO Now I’ll tell you… GUGLIELMO, LUIGIA AND DOROTEA Enough, enough—we understand: the poet and the maestro have lost all inspiration for me, because she has already won them over. If madam intends to humiliate me like this, then soon, in spite of her, I’ll show you who I am. |
| IMPRESARIO The poet and the maestro know perfectly well what they must do. Fewer unnecessary questions. ALL Come, cheerfully let us prepare for the great stage rehearsal— I can already hear the resounding applause for the opera. GUGLIELMO AND DOROTEA (As soon as night falls, I won’t be anywhere to be found.) (all, very softly) Together PROSPERO (At my dear words all will be enraptured, nor will they be able to restrain themselves when they hear them spoken.) BISCROMA (At my gentle notes all will fall into ecstasy, nor will they be able to restrain themselves when they hear them struck.) GUGLIELMO, LUIGIA AND DOROTEA (Song, music, and words will be quite unbearable; such things, they will say, only cause boredom and yawning.) Together PROSPERO (Already in the theatre I seem to hear: “Bravo, long live the good poet!” Already I seem to hear the cheers resounding.) BISCROMA (Already in the orchestra I seem to hear: “Bravo! Come out, Maestro!” Already I seem to hear the cheers resounding.) CORILLA AND PROCOLO (At those trills, at those passages all will be enraptured, nor will they be able to restrain themselves in sweet vocal embellishment.) IMPRESARIO (Bravo! Yes—outstanding! Stage, music, and words now answer to the flights and the singing and will create such charm as to transport the very soul.) CHORUS (Yes, yes—already on stage I seem to hear a triumphant applause; long live, long live the Impresario who has given us such delight!) BISCROMA Bravo, bravo, my boys! Oh, I am delighted— you are a blessing, a balm, a marvel. Go now, go. |
| Scene 2 The chorus exits. BISCROMA (to the Impresario) Well, what do you think? IMPRESARIO The music is divine— the cavatina is magnificent!... BISCROMA (I stole it!) CORILLA But without my embellishments— the diminuendos, the crescendos, the articulated notes... PROCOLO It would sound like a little tune fit for breakfast! BISCROMA If the great Procolo Cornacchia says so, then it must be true—I shall not argue. CORILLA And rightly so, for I am accustomed to the style of composers from beyond the Alps, who, never satisfied with effect and novelty, would write for me in keys with twenty flats... PROCOLO With thirty-seven sharps and naturals and an infinite swarm of accidentals. BISCROMA (May all misfortune strike you at once.) PROSPERO And yet my verses— do they win no applause? People blind to reason! BISCROMA And you are right, for if you go on at this rate, you will end as Tasso did. PROSPERO That is the glory to which I aspire. GUGLIELMO (to Biscroma) If you want sound for my cavatina, I sing. BISCROMA Would you like to try it? GUGLIELMO To... to... try. BISCROMA Come then—let us begin. [Aria] |
| GUGLIELMO “Ah! you want mehi? what you desihre? what hope still remains for you? Ertzilia! my Ertzilia, my constancy ever grows stronger in my heart, yes! I am no vile man! Do you think I would abandon you? I love you, yes, I love you, my dear, and never shall I be far from you.” BISCROMA Excellent! IMPRESARIO Bravo! PROCOLO Not bad. CORILLA (to Prospero) Tell me, sir, have you thought about the rondò? Will it be well placed? PROSPERO Perfectly! |
| CORILLA Take care, poet— if the rondò has no chains, it is useless: I will not sing it. PROSPERO You are most particular! If Romulus is a conqueror and comes to the Forum amid a gathering of rushing, rejoicing people, chains would seem quite out of place. Let us do this: I shall place you on horseback, and instead of a rondò with chains, you shall have one with stirrups... eh? |
| CORILLA That will not do. Have Signor Romulus enter triumphantly in chains, and they will suit perfectly. PROSPERO And what do you take me for? CORILLA For what you are... PROSPERO Which is?... CORILLA A cobbler pretending to be a man of letters— in truth, a brute, a wretch. |
| PROSPERO He who mends shoes can mend Metastasio as well: here is the clear and open proof— (heroically) read my verses and learn to respect me. IMPRESARIO Come, come, we shall arrange it. Our poet will see about pleasing you, he will serve you. Meanwhile, let us read the playbill. PROSPERO And quickly, please. |
| GUGLIELMO What you do now? LUIGIA They’re reading the playbill. GUGLIELMO Ah! playbillonie? Vat is zis! AGATA (offstage, in Neapolitan accent) Such an insult—to me, in my presence! Mamma Agata, you rogue, will make you pay for this. LUIGIA My mother is here! IMPRESARIO Agata is coming? Farewell, playbill! |
| Scene 3 Agata, with all the previous performers. AGATA For this outrage you shall pay dearly. [Agata’s Cavatina] (entering) Scoundrels! idlers! show some manners, some respect, my good sirs! where has it ever been seen that a mother cannot come to visit her daughter, the very essence of goodness? BISCROMA Agatina, calm yourself... AGATA It’s you I want to speak to! Have you thought about Luigia? Have you written her rondò yet? Take care—if you fail, I’ll turn the whole city upside down. Have you thought of it?... I’m speaking to you. |
| BISCROMA We shall see... I’ll think about it... AGATA “We shall see”? “I’ll think about it”? No—listen: in abrégé, to create a sensation—what a splendid invention my mind has devised: make a cantabile with trilling notes, then an allegro with grand syncopations—and my daughter, I’d stake my head, will cause a sensation, Maestro! Let the violin go zicchete, zicchete, with the clarinet and oboe piripi, piripi, the bass with frunchete, frunchete; then bring in the horn with tutu, and you will see that in all the world there is no piece to equal it. |
| AGATA What a sublime invention!... Well? What do you say? Even the famous Maestro Paesanello could not have conceived such an idea. It will have a most astonishing effect— that zicchete, frunchete, tutu... BISCROMA (interrupting) Yes, yes, we’ll speak of that later. Sit here between me and the tenor. AGATA What’s going on? BISCROMA They are reading the playbill. AGATA Wonderful!... |
| (to Guglielmo) Monsieur Stolonoff, at your service. GUGLIELMO Oh!... (bowing) At your service, madam! LUIGIA (to her mother) ...So late? AGATA I’ve been with that one... you understand?... that “friend of the shawl,” and he absolutely insisted on having me dine with him... BISCROMA (to Corilla, aside) ...and she’s drunk. Oh, poor me! CORILLA (replying) ...Yes, she’s drunk!... |
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