“Le convenienze ed inconvenienze teatrali” – Act 2

Act II

Scene 1 A stage during rehearsal: the Impresario and Mamma Agata are present. [Duet] AGATA You have had me violated—but in due time and place we shall speak of this violation. Now, about another little matter I wish to speak with you. IMPRESARIO Mamma, for heaven’s sake, leave me alone.

AGATA No, sir! I will speak—and I will know what sum I must invest, before exposing to the public this beautiful face of mine, dear friend! IMPRESARIO And I shall tell you! Without further compliments, without making any mystery— here is my thought in brief. If by chance things go badly for you, listen carefully: as a natural consequence, I tell you frankly— from me you can expect nothing.

AGATA In private, in confidence, know this, my friend: a woman such as I does not let herself be overpowered. If people have their whims, I want no trouble— you must at least advance me fifty scudi.

IMPRESARIO I am not mad to that extent— and Mamma will sing. AGATA If I commit myself, even the devil will not be able to... IMPRESARIO Come now—what is the point? A person as kind and good as you would not let a small trifle come to ruin. AGATA What do you mean?

IMPRESARIO If you do not sing, prison is certain. AGATA No matter—go on. IMPRESARIO Little bread and pure water... AGATA I’ll eat and drink when I come out. IMPRESARIO And moreover, your daughter I shall leave free! AGATA What? My daughter you would leave at liberty?

IMPRESARIO Agatuccia, consequently, the mother will sing no more. AGATA No?... IMPRESARIO No! AGATA Most insolent—viper’s tongue! Such audacity shall be punished! IMPRESARIO You may well believe I do not know how to feign— what is in my soul is on my lips. AGATA I will raise havoc and turn the city upside down, and it will be a great marvel if you leave here alive. IMPRESARIO I’ve made a fuss—it’s all a joke; in the end we shall agree. AGATA That’s better—we shall agree.

Scene 2 As Agata exits shouting “Rogue! Rogue!”, Prospero enters. PROSPERO Impresario, I have settled a quarrel. IMPRESARIO Another quarrel? PROSPERO As soon as the choristers learned that the tenor is replaced by Procolo, they began shouting instead of their chorus: “Long live great Romulus of chosen ranks, triumphant in his vengeance!” “Long live great Procolo of sliced sweets, he will make fine meatballs!”

IMPRESARIO And Procolo? PROSPERO Imagine... but I calmed him. IMPRESARIO Thank goodness! PROSPERO Ah—Agata is coming with her daughter!

Scene 3 Agata and Luigia enter. AGATA (looking angrily at the Impresario) Farewell, ill-mannered man! IMPRESARIO Farewell! AGATA What—must I sing in such a tiny theatre, I who once performed at La Scala? IMPRESARIO Sit down and be quiet, or I’ll call the inspector! LUIGIA (to her mother) You are always quarreling!... AGATA I do it only so that they give me respect.

LUIGIA Mama, mama! AGATA What is it? LUIGIA The musicians are looking at us and laughing. AGATA The musicians? At all times they were my passion: a horn and a trombone ran after me like cats at the start of my career. LUIGIA It seems to me that in that box there is that student... AGATA Don’t look, don’t look—it is improper. You will look at him languidly when you sing the cabaletta. For a mere student, even a glance is too much.

Scene 4 Biscroma enters, followed by Procolo. Then Corilla. BISCROMA Friends, I greet you! IMPRESARIO Ah, Maestro—welcome! PROCOLO I beg your pardon, gentlemen. BISCROMA Everyone is already instructed in everything, and the first violin is so good that he will easily grant pardon. PROCOLO (announcing his wife’s entrance) The prima donna!

IMPRESARIO Ah, dear lady! Let us all be in good spirits, my friends. And you, my Procolo, forget the past and you shall be praised. PROCOLO (with emphatic tone) “Caesar has heard—he will resolve it like a hero.” But I cannot embellish or act unless I am properly dressed. BISCROMA (pointing to Corilla) Meanwhile, we shall rehearse your aria. CORILLA First of all, I wish to do my vocal exercises.

PROCOLO (calling) Petruccio! The little bottle. (a servant enters carrying it) Here. (hands over the bottle) I go to dress—farewell, my queen! (exits) (Corilla exits)

Scene 5 The previous characters, except Procolo and Corilla. BISCROMA Mamma Agata, if you wish, let us try your romance. AGATA I am ready—only I regret that my high F is blocked. BISCROMA You will unblock it. (to the orchestra) Gentlemen! I am here to beg you... AGATA ...and I as well: my voice is a little silver bell, and if you play too loudly, it is ruined. I cannot make the diminuendos heard.

BISCROMA (to the orchestra) Put mutes on the instruments. (to Agata) I rely on you... AGATA (coming in too early) “Seated...” BISCROMA Too soon! AGATA Now, now I sing it: [Romance] “Seated at the foot of a sack, amid the fury, fried sardines were groaning in the most cruel noise. Water among the trembling branches struck their sound, the clear little broccolis at its cold sighs, and the gates blow in their dreadful turns— water among the trembling branches struck their sound.”

(with dramatic gesture) Ah—what did I say?... BISCROMA My Agata, you are out of tune! AGATA And whose fault is it? It is the prompter who makes me go wrong. LUIGIA Long live mamma! IMPRESARIO Bravo, Agata! PROSPERO Bravo!

Scene 6 Corilla returns. AGATA Thank you! (looking at Corilla) Corilla has dropped her rouge. Should I dress as a victim? BISCROMA (to Corilla) If you wish, we can rehearse your aria. CORILLA Let us proceed. I do not refuse to grant you this favor.

BISCROMA (to the orchestra) Number thirty-five. PROSPERO (to Corilla) No, please, madam— a romantic attitude... expressive... CORILLA Like this?... PROSPERO No, no—like this!... CORILLA Ah!... PROSPERO Excellent—bravo! Here Corilla sings a bravura aria of her choice.

BISCROMA Good, good—excellent! IMPRESARIO What a voice! PROSPERO What expression! BISCROMA What power! IMPRESARIO What passages! AGATA A supernumerary ought to come out, however, with a nice little basket to gather all the notes that have fallen from her. (to her daughter) Come, let’s go dress me. (exits with her daughter)

Scene 7 Biscroma, the Impresario, Prospero, and Corilla. Then Procolo. BISCROMA Come, like good fellows—let us begin the triumphal march! PROSPERO Wait, wait—Procolo’s helmet plume has been burned. BISCROMA What does it matter? It will do—come, let us begin. PROCOLO (from within) I am ready, maestro! BISCROMA Let us begin.

[Triumphal March] CHORUS (enters acclaiming Procolo, who is carried in triumph) “Long live great Romulus of chosen ranks, triumphant in his vengeance!” PROCOLO “I am a warrior and a lover...” BISCROMA (shouting in natural voice) No, no—don’t you hear you’re behind? And you’re dropping pitch! PROCOLO Tomorrow I’ll come with heels— so I’ll grow an inch. BISCROMA (spoken) From the beginning!

PROCOLO (resuming) “I am a warrior...” BISCROMA Lower! PROCOLO “I am a warrior...” BISCROMA Higher! PROCOLO (with deep voice) “...and I am a lover.” BISCROMA (still shouting loudly) No, no—oh, poor me! PROCOLO (enraged) “I am a warrior!...” BISCROMA You are a donkey! PROCOLO Such an insult to me? CORILLA I shall avenge you.

BISCROMA Come now—the funeral march. PROSPERO Attention—what are you laughing at? Donkeys! Fools!... You must be solemn—eyes down.

Scene 8 While the orchestra plays the funeral march, Agata—dressed as a slave— is led before Procolo as a trophy of victory, to be sacrificed by him to the gods. Luigia also enters. [Funeral March] PROCOLO “Unfortunate maiden, the final moment of your tender days has come. Your fair hair, that innocent face...”

(to the prompter) The words... (sings) “That gentle smile moves me to pity... But fate demands that...” (he makes as if to stab the victim) AGATA (shouting) Help!... LUIGIA “Romulus, do not strike!... Jupiter is appeased!” AGATA Oh, thank goodness!... I’ll send a gift to this Lord Jupiter, but... PROCOLO (pompously) Silence! My wife is speaking. ALL (except Corilla) Silence—let us listen!

CORILLA Maestro, please listen. BISCROMA I am listening. CORILLA I would like to sing last... BISCROMA What?... CORILLA ...because I wish to rest. BISCROMA How can such a demand fit with the entrance of the rondo? CORILLA The part will be modified—I wish to rest. LUIGIA, AGATA & PROSPERO Your part is fixed. You cannot change it now!

PROCOLO Hey! What manners are these?... CORILLA Listen: with a master’s touch, one introduces a fermata, a tail to prepare my triumphant entrance. BISCROMA What tail? What tail?... We are not among dogs and cats— if they take us for madmen, we’ll all end up in the hospital.

CORILLA I hear nothing—I only ask for a fermata, to give me breath. Dear maestro, there is no remedy— you must satisfy me. BISCROMA Neither fermata nor tail can be made. Perform your part...

[Finale II] PROCOLO By the way—how do we make the exit? CHORUS We will all exit together. PROCOLO No, that won’t do—one at a time!... PROSPERO We exit on foot. PROCOLO ...or by carriage, or in a landau!... CHORUS ...and why not on horseback? IMPRESARIO Yes, in a sleigh or in a splendid litter!... AGATA Rather, I would say—we all leave in a stagecoach.

INSPECTOR Gentlemen, listen: this morning the council, assembled by the magistrate, has suspended all financial support for the impresario... IMPRESARIO Wretched me! ALL Who can escape such a calamity? BISCROMA Listen!... The night will help us... Let us pack up and, with our coats, attempt to escape.

ALL A brilliant idea! Come, let us flee. Some this way, some that way— each will run off and disappear. IMPRESARIO (left alone) I am lost... I am ruined!... End of the libretto.

libretto by Dmitrii Murashev